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Activity: Eroticizing Verbal Consent

8 Feb

*** EDIT: Check out this similar blog post! Thanks Melissa for the heads up!***

Recently, I lectured at the University of Michigan Sexpertise event about a variety of sexuality related topics, including eroticizing the consent process and making negotiation sexy. Videos of the lectures themselves are soon to come, but in the interim I wanted to share an activity I used at the end of the event to help the group relax into the idea of clearly and explicitly stating sexual desires in a safe, confidential way. Please note this is an adapted version of an activity done at a sexuality training I attended years and years ago, and I am unable to find the original source to credit them. If you know who it is, please let me know!

Background: We’ve all read and heard about the importance of gaining clearly stated verbal consent from partners before sex acts. But how do we do that in a way that doesn’t make our partner feel like we’re role-playing lawyer or doctor? “I would like to remove your pants and preform fellatio,” might interrupt the flow of a sexual exchange by sounding too clinical.

I suggest that dirty talk is an excellent way to go about negotiating consent while simultaneously heightening the erotic experience. “All I can think about is tearing off your pants and sucking your..” well you get the idea.. is asking your partner through stated desires, just like the earlier example, but in a way that’s likely to heat things up instead of cool them down. Dirty talk is an excellent way to state an interest in some sexual activity, and create space for your partner to say “yes, please!” or “mm, maybe not.. but I’d love to ____, what do you think?”

The problem is that dirty talk can feel awkward sometimes! Follow the cut for an activity to help participants loosen up and get comfortable with making sexy suggestions without being too on the spot!

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Guest Blogger: Facing AIDS Press Release

22 Nov

Today’s guest blogger, Kristy Scott from CARES, brings us important information about the Facing AIDS campaign!

In July 2010 our president—Barack Obama announced the National HIV/AIDS strategy (NHAS). The National HIV/AIDS strategy’s vision is stated below:


“The United States will become a place where new HIV infections are rare and when they do occur, every person, regardless of age, gender, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity or socio-economic circumstance, will have unfettered access to high quality, life-extending care, free from stigma and discrimination”


The National HIV/AIDS Strategy has 3 main goals:

  1. To reduce new HIV infections
  2. To increase access to care and improve health outcomes for people livng with HIV.
  3. To reduce HIV-related health disparities


At my internship site, Community AIDS Resource and Education Services (CARES) we want to help do our part in implementing and supporting the National HIV/AIDS stategy. This is why we are in support of the Facing AIDS Campaign started by The Facing Aids campaign is a way to get everyone involved in fighting HIV stigma and supporting the goals outlined above by our president. This World AIDS Day December 1st, 2011 CARES is launching our local support and involvement in the “Facing AIDS” campaign.


President Barack Obama made it clear when unveiling the NHAS that Implementing the National HIV/AIDS Strategy (NHAS) does not fall to the Federal Government alone. Success will require the commitment of all parts of society, including state, local and tribal governments, businesses, faith communities, philanthropy, the scientific and medical communities, educational institutions, people living with HIV, and others.


This means all of us need to do our part! Every individual, business, non profit, government, etc. are all responsible for the success of the NHAS. As busy individuals going to school, work, raising our families, and struggling with our own troubles it is sometimes hard to recognize how HIV/AIDS affects all of us. When one of our fellow citizens becomes infected with the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) every nine-and-a-half minutes, is becomes evident that the epidemic affects all Americans. I want to encourage the Kalamazoo community, as well as all of humanity to recognize that when HIV affects one person in our community, it affects all of us. Therefore, it is going to require all of us coming together as a society to combat the effects of HIV/AIDS in the communities that make up our great nation.


The Facing AIDS campaign takes photos of individuals in support of the NHAS holding a sign that says why they are facing aids today. Please come into CARES at 629 Pioneer St., Kalamazoo MI, 49007 and support the cause by taking your very own Facing AIDS picture! On December 1st we will unveil all the pictures taken in our main lobby of our . Please come by and see the unity of our community supporting the NHAS on December 1st. Remember we are all in this together! Come and support your community, state, and nation in fighting for health, equality, and support for all of those living in your community regardless of HIV status.


Storytime: Driving the Car- An analogy for sexual health choices

10 Nov

Polyamorous folks are often asked how we manage risk reduction, and handle fears of STIs. I have a simple analogy I like to use:

Having sex is a lot like driving a car. You can keep yourself safe by:

  • make sure you only do it when you’re sober and making rational decisions
  • equip yourself with various safety measures (like airbags and seatbelts… or condoms and gloves)
  • keep the necessary equipment in good working order (with the help of a mechanic or doctor)
  • obey traffic laws (or principals of risk reduction, like using condoms and lube)
  • limiting how often and for how long you are driving
But ultimately, even if you are the best, safest driver in the world, you might get T-boned by a truck. So ultimately, when you’re thinking about driving, you have to decide if the destination is work the risk.